Without Fear or Shame
by WallsClosingIn
Summary: Drarry One-Shot. Draco desperately tries to comfort himself knowing he can't be with Harry Potter. WARNING: Contains self-harm. Quite depressing! Don't like, Don't Read.


**Hi :) A Drarry One-Shot! Another depressing one I'm afraid :) Please Read, Review and Enjoy! (Sorry it's so short)**

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Without Fear Or Shame

The shimmering blade dripped rubies as the stone floor was stained with spots of blood red. Draco Malfoy savoured the sweet pain as it broke through his fog of thoughts as sharp as the knife in his hand. At last the slytherin could feel air caress his skin, feel the ice of every breath in his throat as he gulped the air greedily. He felt pure, as if all the sadness and grief was trickling out of him through the cuts on his forearm. The bold lines of blood stood out from his porcelain skin majestically, the contrast a kind of haunting beauty.

_Draco Malfoy was walking through Diagon Alley alongside his mother and father. The crowds parted themselves instantly under his fathers threatening glare. Draco felt a sudden pride of his last name and the superiority it represented. He gazed at his father with clear adoration and aspiration_. _One day...he would be just like him._

Draco pushed his sleeves further up his arm and held the trickling wounds away from his clothing. He wanted no mark of this visible to the outside world. Malfoys were not supposed to have weaknesses, never mind display them to others. Malfoys were cool, aloof, forced to wear an expressionless mask to hide all emotion. Draco was happy to have these moments alone, to be himself, show his weaknesses to the empty room and surrounding stone walls. Here in this sanctuary the young Malfoy could let the grief escape him without fear or shame.

_Draco Malfoy was sat in the Great Hall at the sorting ceremony. Surrounded by his adoring fellow slytherins, he was deafened by their constant chatter. He had achieved what he had wanted. Crowds parted for him in the halls. People adored him. He was superior. But why didn't he feel a long-awaited satisfaction? Why instead did a constant sickeness overwhelm him, as if day by day a part of his soul was fading?_

A thick fog crept over Draco's vision and obscured his clarity of vision and thought. The persistent overwhelming sickness choked him. He began shivering violently, sweat trickling down his forehead, despite the fact he was ice cold. He felt as if silent ropes were winding their way around his body, binding and choking him. He stumbled over to the wall , welcoming its solidity and slid down to the floor, the rough stone wall grazing his back through his thin shirt. He lay his cheek against the soothing cold of the stone floor and curled up into a ball, rocking himself back and forth.

_Draco Malfoy tore the shirt over the boys head and kissed his torso ravenously. The boys hand tangled in Draco's hair and pulled his head upwards to meet his own where he smashed his lips against the slytherin's. Adrenaline pounded through Draco's body. He felt more alive than ever before and it was all because of this boy he held in his arms. It was all because of Harry Potter._

Draco bit down hard on his lip to hold back the sobs threatening to overpower him. He could cry about the false portrayal of his father, he could cry about his mother's wasted love, he could cry about the chains that binded him every day of his life. But he would _not_ waste tears on Saint Harry Potter.

A single salty bead rolled down his sallow cheek, its watery mark a betrayal to him. Because despite his furious thoughts and insistence and denial; Draco Malfoy was in love with Harry Potter.

_Draco Malfoy was curled in a corner of the very same bathroom he sat in now. His body shook with uncontrollable sobs which rattled his entire frame. He bit hard on his fingers, trying to deperately to choke the sound which echoed loudly around the great room, revealing his concealed hiding place. Never had he felt such misery. He closed his eyes. His eyelashes, dusted with past tears, brushed his pale cheeks._

_'Oh, please Potter. You seriously believed I have true feelings for you? Did you think we were going to get married? Skip off into the sunset? Think again. I suppose on some level I'm sorry for tricking you Potter, I should have realised one such as you wouldn't be able to understand.' _

_The look on Harry Potter's face was enough to pierce Draco's heart. But Draco would never be able to give Harry all that he deserved, and Draco knew that. He knew Harry would never let Draco leave him for such a reason, of course he would deny it, this was the only way. One day, Harry would find someone who could give him their whole heart, not recoil from such deep emotion. It was all the better for him. Draco knew he would suffer for his decision. But as long as Harry was happy, his own feelings were irrelevant to him. He was used to being alone._

The slytherin prince stood from his place on the floor, shaking violently. He yanked his sleeves down and buttoned them with trembling fingers. He could feel the sobs building in his throat, but swallowed them back. Harry would be happy. He would one day have a house, a wife who loved him, children who admired him and he would be content. This was all Draco needed to keep him going until the day he would welcome the comforting arms of death, when all his pain would finally cease. Maybe beyond, in a perfect world, he and Harry Potter would be together again.

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**Thank you for reading!! Please review and let me know what you thought. Sorry if I have depressed you... xo**


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